MACRO PHOTOS OF EGG & SPROUTS ON RYE!

KJJ: We get so many emails from people demanding to see what we eat for breakfast or lunch, well here it is. If you are reading this post it is because I am slacking off from doing my real computer work. And, rather weirdly, you also now know what is in my stomach. And pretty soon, new cell generation will occur in my body, and my very BEING, my physical tissue, will be made up of the above food items. We don't have "plumbing" people. Our stomach is not a "gas tank" requiring "fuel". You ARE the freakin' foods you eat! Ewwwwwwwwww!!!

ROASTED ORANGE PEPPER & ARTICHOKE PASTA WITH MUSHROOMS & PARSLEY

KJJ: Pasta makes a comeback in '06.

SYNCHRONICITY CLASSICAL CRAB SALAD

SIMPLE CRAB SALAD imitation crab shaved cheddar of australia mixed greens buttermilk dressing rye bread croutons (cut marble rye into pieces, season & bake in oven) combine and serve KJJ: Today I scored an insane collection of records for free - all in great condition. We celebrated by eating this salad. Sometimes things work out really well. JRW: We scored some Bartok, I'm stoked. Oh, the salad was great, by the way. Did I tell you that KJ? Because I meant to, like, 4 times. Seriously, there were 4 distinct moments where I thought to myself, "I should tell her how great this salad is, I mean, it's fantastic!". But istead, I made her watch "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls", which I couldn't tell if she liked or not.

MY NAME IS PASTA

VEGETARIAN GROUND BEEF, MUSHROOM & TOMATO SAUCE WITH BLACKBERRY, STRAWBERRY, HONEY, SOY AND YOGURT SMOOTHIES (not pictured) KJJ: Welcome to vegetarian pasta town. Population two. JRW: Well, I thought it had good flavoring and I was really surprised how well that non-meat tasted. It had a meaty flavor to it. KJJ: I liked the olives JRW: Oh the olives were so good. You know how I did it? I spaced it out, so I had one and then five bites later I had another. They were good and salty. KJJ: I kind of want an olive right now. JRW: You should have one. This guy Tony Tenser's production studio is called Tigon. If its born a male its a Tigon, and if its female its a Liger. KJJ: They can really mate? JRW: Uh huh. KJJ: Why aren't there a bazillion? You'd think people would want to breed them. JRW: I have no idea. KJJ: How did you like the smoothie? JRW: What movie? KJJ: Not "movie". Smoothie. JRW: The smoothie was great, not too sweet. I really liked the rising action and the denoument. The plot twist at the end...

GODSPEED THROUGH TEXAS LITTLE BUDDY

What is this adorable blur, you might ask? Its Little Buddy, our newest goldfish. He is suffering from a case of Hemorrhagic Septicemia on his back fin. Please join us in wishing for his survival and triumph over this debilitating goldfish affliction. Feel free to click on the image to enlarge and absorb the full cuteness of Little Buddy. Last time I had Hemorrhagic Septicemia I totally lost my shit and it took like 3 months of weekly laps at the swimming pool to get back to feeling like my old self. JRW: PULL THROUGH, LITTLE BUDDY!

TILAPIA & SWEET & SOUR & CABBAGE

TILAPIA WITH POTATO MUSTARD CRUST tilapia filets 1 potato mustard salt & pepper paprika, chives //grate potatoes & squeeze out water //apply mustard lovingly to one side of tilapia filet //press potato gratings firmly onto mustardized tilapia //saute in a hot pan that has some hot oil heating in the bottom of it SWEET N SOUR CABBAGE cabbage apple 1/2 onion 1/4 cup vinegar (balsamic, white-wine, red wine or any combination) 2 tbsp sugar cornstarch salt & pep //fry onions in butter until clear //add cabbage, some water, the vinegar and sugar - cook for 10 mins //add apple, cook for another ten mins //reduce heat, sprinkle a bit of cornstarch in and stir through KJJ: We stole this recipe from Dinner For One! She prepared this meal with salmon, we on the other hand used tilapia filets. Tilapia is a type of fish I never heard of until I moved to Texas. Apparently, back-to-the-landers can raise it in their bathtubs. What a hideous thought. Yet I will remember this for after the apocalypse, when we are forced to fend for ourselves and all live in a commune out in Buda with mangy dogs running around and piles of burning garbage randomly litter the "countryside". Yes, so anyways, tilapia is also very high in Omega 3 and beneficial oils. This is a great recipe, it worked perfectly and the potatoes were crunchy on the outside and not over-fried. So easy to prepare! The sweet and sour cabbage was even better than mom makes (sorry mom!). Very tasty. The colour purple is delicious to eat.

READING RAINBOW

ILL NATURE - JOY WILLIAMS I'll just come out and admit I have no idea how to write literary criticism, and since this is our food blog, I'm going to put a sock in it and just tell y'all to pick up this book.

EATING POTATO MASALA WITH CELEBRITIES

POTATO MASALA, CARROT & ORANGE RICE KJJ: Basic attempt at "food styling". (Do we really live in a world where "food styling" exists? Goddammit we do!) I actually wanted to shape the rice into more of a "boob" shape since JRW is reading the biography of Russ Meyer and I guess I'm feeling sort of insecure. The potato masala was originally a recipe in Bon Apetit. The recipe Bon Apet-Sucked. I'm serious! I know you are thinking its me, a crummy chef, blaming the recipe. But its true! It was so bland and I honest-to-god don't think they TRY a lot of these recipes before they throw them online. I actually IMPROVED this recipe, I freakin saved the day. I doubled the spices, included some coriander and cinnamon, a little bit of leftover cream... 'twas good. Looked a little bit like puddle-mush for a bit... I'm doing all the cooking lately because the apartment is short a hand. 23 Skidoo! ACES! The Rice - Starring Jasmine Rice as R. Pilaf - Produced and Directed by KJJ 1. You take some carrots and put them in the food processor. 2. You take some rice and put it in a pot with water. 3. Add the carrots. 4. Add a little bit'o'butter. Your husband will complain if you don't add it, but will probably complain when your butt gets big. A dilemma with no easy solution. 5. While you are thinking about your ass, be sure to add 2 tsp (to taste) of orange juice concentrate. 6. Bring to a boil. 7. Cook rice. 8. Push cooked rice into a shallow bowl and plop upside-down onto plate. 9. Eat. 10. Roll credits. JRW: Yeah, she's doing all the cooking or else we would just be ordering out, like..daily. I mean,I can still dial a phone, but typihbg is pretty nhard, becauxd i have to do it with one hansd--can yhoiu imagine me making my 100% awesome fish like this!?! well? CABN YPO7????? Yeah, me neither. Lucky, KJJ saves the day on the regular, and this meal was no exception. As a matter of fact, the picture and loving description above is makng my mouth water. I'd tell you more except typing is a total pain in the teeth.

WE'RE SO PLEASED WE GOT THE BLOG DISEASE!!

Hey, guess who invited us to do this! Only the coolest blog in Austria: http://tschoerda.blogspot.com/ 4 jobs you’ve had in your life JRW: 1. Video Clerk 2. Busboy 3. Auto Mechanic 4. Poster Artist KJJ: 1. Civil Enforcement Agent 2. Art Gallery Assistant 3. Library Assistant 4. Website Designer 4 movies you could watch over and over JRW: 1. Supervixens 2. The Warriors 3. Over The Edge 4. The Party KJJ: 1. Blue Crush 2. The Princess Bride 3. Dogfight 4. Camille 2000 4 places you’ve lived JRW: 1. L.A. 2. Houston 3. Austin 4. Anchorage KJJ: 1. Calgary, Canada 2. Kovalam, India 3. Austin, Texas 4. Edmonton, Canada 4 websites you visit daily JRW: 1. Gigposters.com 2. BBC 3. Myspace 4. Apartment Motherf**kin Food Hobos KJJ: 1. Perezhilton.com 2. Gigposters.com 3. Astro.com 4. Redcabin.org 4 tv shows you love to watch JRW: 1. How I Met Your Mother 2. The Simpsons 3. Seinfeld 4. Arrested Development KJJ: 1. The Simpsons 2., 3., 4., uhhhhhhh.......... 4 of your favorite foods JRW: 1. Cheese (ALL) 2. Sushi (Its all encompassing) 3. Pizza 4. Coffee (Is coffee a vegetable? I mean food?) KJJ: 1. Pie 2. Peas 3. Orange Juice 4. Burritos from "Senor Pizza" in Canada 5. Falafel from a deli in N.E. Calgary, Canada (can't remember the name) 6. Good vegetarian Indian food 7. Cheeps & Salsa 4 albums you can’t live without JRW: Thats really tough. Take it all or leave it all. 1. Loop - Fade Out 2. Stereolab - Switched On 3. Slayer - Reign in Blood 4. Uh.... Freddie Hubbard - Straight Life. Thats a good one. KJJ: 1. Moss Icon - Lyburnum 2. Trail of Dead - Madonna 3. Julie Ruin - Julie Ruin 4. Tie between Brian Eno - Ambient 4 On Land and John Hassell - Dream Theory in Malaysia And both of us would like to add Black Sabbath. It kind of goes without saying. 4 four places you’d rather be JRW: 1. Mountains 2. Beach KJJ: Those arent places, those are concepts JRW: Why are you stifling my freedom? 3. Vancouver, BC, Canada 4. 1988 KJJ: 1. Kootenay Lake, BC, Canada 2. Illecilieweat, BC, Canada 3. Krakow, Poland, in like, the 17th Century 4. Tibet KJJ: Now we have to invite four people to do this. JRW: Four people to go to those places? KJJ: No, four bloggers to do this quiz. JRW: I always sound so square when I do this, but those were honest answers. Those were real answers. I am who I am. I'm real.

SENDING OUT AN AUSTIN PHO & TACO S.O.S.

1. Where is the best Pho? I need to know. I need some bitchen' Pho. 2. Where can I find a vegetarian taco? A good one.... nay, the best one. Please help me out by posting in the comments section.

LOVE SALMON MONKEY

POACHED SALMON, ROASTED SWEET POTATOES, CUCUMBER SALAD, BLUE CHEESE & ALMONDS KJJ: The pinkness of my plate disguises the pinkness of 1/2 a lb of salmon. The sourness of my heart disguises the sourness of a white-wine vinegar and cucumber salad. The placemat is 1960's, from Ireland, thanks for asking. The grape juice was a particularly satisfying vintage, from the orchards of Welch's. This was a satisfying meal. I just wish JRW had been awake-enough to enjoy it. He is tranquil from a vicodin fog. Poor dude broke his hand. It was sad yet funny watching him trying to eat his blue cheese and almonds with one hand. Hey, you know what else is sad but not so funny? Love Monkey. Its a new show. Its a total stinker. I just don't see how ANYONE is going to like it. Like music? You will hate this show. Don't know anything about music? You totally won't give a s**t about this show. Unless you have a thing for the main character, played by that dude with the weirdly skeletal yet femininely-wrinkled face, or just want to watch assload after assload of "quirky" female side-kicks who make vegan jokes and slam-poetry jokes, I can assure you that you will want to flush this Love Monkey down the toilet. Hey, you know what else is weird? I pictured my pet goldfish on the grill yesterday. It made me very uncomfortable. Yet this salmon is a fish. I bought it at the store without a head or eyes, so its easier to forget that it was a living thing. I hate myself for enjoying eating it. JRW said it was like having a pet chihuahua and hanging out with it while you grilled a golden retriever. JRW: Oh yeah, I did say that. It was especially interesting seeing how I'd found those photos of that gigantic goldfish, BRUCE. I imagine that he was about the size of that salmon, which was spectacular tasting. Poaching the fish was a nice twist, and infusing it with love probably helped. But nothing could help 'Love Monkey"-THAT show stunk. Stunk like that wretched smelling, yet wonderfully tasting STELLA blue cheese, which was CRUMBELIEVABLE. I need my vicodin now. KJJ: While we are on the subject of fish, I'd just like y'all to know there is an enormous black goldfish at the pet-store on S. Congress that looks EXACTLY like Wilfred Brimley. I freakin swear to you what I am saying is true.

TOFU SATAY GUY

KJJ: I'm not reprinting this recipe for tofu satay from A Simple Celebration (Deepak Chopra's quasi-cookbook) because it was not a "damn good" recipe! This is the last thing I ever make out of this book - my own intuition in putting together something like this would have been much better (in my opinion). With a little extra sesame oil the tofu's could have been nice and crispy. The sauce recipe was so thin and ridiculous (even after ommitting 2 cups more of broth and a whole can of coconut milk!) that we wound up drizzling it over the rice. If the tofu had been marinated, it would have increased the tingling tastebuds quotient to a much higher degree. Did the authors of this cookbook really ever try making this? Good thing that little lemony space-candy-man save the day with dessert. Super awesome bold power candies! Sugar lemon explosion! Make KJJ very happy!

KOREAN CRAP SANDWICH

KJJ: Hi folks, welcome to Friday-motherf**king-13th 2006 a.k.a. my BIRTHDAY. I am older than a barnacle but not yet as wise as Will Durant. And not yet as wise as a barnacle for that matter. IN FACT - I am not yet nearly as wise as your local Korean chef - and I proved that fact last night when I attempted Korean green onion pancakes. A simple, beautiful recipe that turned into something more like scrambled dough fritters with garlic. Do I blame my pan? Yes, goddammit, to a degree I do. That non-stick coating has worn down to a pro-stick coating, a very, very PRO-stick coating. My delicious pancakes were hostage to the pan. I also blame far too much cooking oil (hey- I was just following instructions!). I wont even post the picture here of the pancakes - because even the photograph turned out kinda s***ty. Hey- you gotta try new things once'n'a'while. Hey, whats that up there? They are sweet, gummy, rice and red-bean mounds. Sugared like a welcoming, edible, tiny tit. I enjoyed them while I was eating them (since they were a joyous respite from the scrambled Seoul fritters) but now--- I kind of never want to see them again. JRW: I'm not sure what your beef with those mounds are, I loved 'em! Although, maybe that's because I'm reading a biography of Russ Meyer right now.

WE JUST GOT OUT OF JUVIE!

And the first thing we did was make this awesome button for you sexy bitches to link to us! We f**king love you, all right? Some would say this button is much like a beautiful bumble-bee, ready to drop loving honey all over your tea or crumpets or toast. JRW: Our love stings.

EXPLOITATION GENRE MONDO NOODLES

KJJ: What up my peeps? Witness above the noodles of green. I turned these bad-boys into an Asian sensation of no particular nation. My sauce was a spontaneous mixture of peanut butter, vinegar, honey, soy sauce, Thai satay sauce and even some hoisin thrown in for good measure. Do not cook the sauce, just mix it up in the bottom of each serving bowl. For true fellow Apartment Hobos you will understand and appreciate the ease and inexpense of this meal. For the culinary elite, you will simply be horrified. And you should be horrified. Horrified like an Italian 70s cannibal exploitation film. We eat whatever the f**k we feel like eating, ya dig??! JRW: KJJ does fine in the kitchen. Without a plan, she just starts chopping things up until they fall into place , giving us meals like the one above. I simply panic in this situation, like that kid in 'Country Boys', muttering "Oh jeez" and sighing heavily as I run through my little mental book of epicurean notes. Then I usually sit down next to her on the couch, look her sweetly in the eye and say, "What do you say we go get some Taco Shack?".

CHEESER & WINE PLEASER

Click on the image for a full version of some common yet edible yet common yet damn tasty cheese and wine suggestions! At age 15, drinking 40s of Big Bear Beer in parking lots and listening to Nomeansno, I never would have guessed I'd be "blogging" about "cheese and wine pairs". Congratulations, I have become a generational cliche.' JRW: Let's just get a damn Volkswagen while we're at it. Then drive it head on into a wall.

HOW TO GET A SQUASH IN ADVERTISING

Roast Butternut Squash Pasta; Salad w/ Yogurt, Chive and Dill Dressing 1 butternut squash 4 cloves garlic 1 tablespoon walnuts olive oil 1 teaspoon of cayenne pepper 1 teaspoon dried sage 300g whole wheat pasta, any shape but fusilli are good salt and pepper //Cut the squash into half-inch cubes, and the garlic into small pieces. Put these with the nuts, cayenne and sage into the roasting pan and pour the oil over everything. //Stir so that everything's covered in oil, then bake at 200C for 40 mins, stirring occassionally. //It will burn a bit, but that's part of the flavour. //When it's nearly ready, cook the pasta. Mix the pasta into the roast squash, add lots of salt and pepper, and serve. KJJ: Adapted from a recipe on the Post-Punk Kitchen. This turned out nicely, I really enjoyed trying the new combo of squash and pasta. Someone explain to me how squash can smell so much like puke when you cut it open, but turn so sweet and delicious after it is baked. JRW added crumbled blue cheese to his, but I thought that was a bit overwhelming for the nice delicate squashulizzma essence of awesomeness. Thanks PP Kitchen - sorry we de-veganized it, but we are trying, trying, trying our hardest to be decent human beans. On another note, How To Get Ahead in Advertising, starring Richard E. Grant, is one stellar blip in the celestial cinematic universe. How I enjoyed the talking boil, the vegetarian rants, the pervasive antogonist, the cries against greed and the particularly British dialogue. They just don't make movies like that anymore. I kill you now for not renting it tonight. JRW: I hadn't seen this in years, and whenever we go to the video store, I sort of bully KJJ into getting movies I like, or think she'll like if I just make her watch it (forgetting that my tastes are extreme and juvenile most of the time), so we took this home with NO BLADE OF GRASS (see below) and EROTIC NIGHTS OF THE LIVING DEAD (don't see below. In fact, don't see at all). It was as good as I remember though. Bruce Robinson again directs the wonderfully animated, sexually ambiguous Richard E.Grant (the two also worked together on WITHNAIL AND I, which is even better) who flails around like a lunatic as a BOIL grows from his neck and sprouts into a head, AN EVIL TWIN (you can tell by the moustache), which eventually takes over his poor soul, the soul of an ad exec pushed to a mental collapse trying to come up with a campaign to sell zit cream. His breakdown not only cause him to revolt against the advertising industry but also the very philosophy of trafficking unnescessary commerce and greed. Which creates the boil, which turns into the evil twin, the duality inside "killing" the new him and creating an even more sinister marketing machine. Pretty subversive comedy, and although most of us are more savvy now about the effects of being sold to on such a hyperdrive scale, his anti-advertising tirades are still great to hear,like listening to some Crass or The Fall. EDIT: We deleted our pic of the "How To Get Ahead In Advertising" poster, which we unfairly linked from another blog. Evidently our, like, 7 hits a day really put a dent in someone else's bandwidth. But seriously, it was not very neighbourly of us to do that. Speaking of not being neighbourly, our idiot Texan neighbours who spend their time shooting their BB gun at birds while pointing it directly towards OUR patio, have now installed a BIRD FEEDER in their yard. Get it? More birds to shoot. Brilliant!!!

NO BLADE OF BASMATI

Basmati Rice with Raisins, Nuts & Peas 2 cups basmati rice 2 tablespoons vegetable oil 2 small onions, thinly sliced 2 teaspoons cumin black pepper cinnamon 4 cups water 1/4 cup whipping cream 1 teaspoon salt 1 1/2 cups frozen peas 1/4 cup chopped almonds 1/4 cup chopped cashews 1/4 cup raisins //Heat oil in heavy large saucepan over medium-high heat. Add onions; sauté until golden, about 8 minutes. Add cumin, peppercorns, and cinnamon; sauté until onions are brown, about 4 minutes. //Add rice to spices and stir 2 minutes. Add 4 cups water, cream, salt. Bring to boil. Reduce heat to low. Cover saucepan almost completely and cook until almost all liquid is absorbed, about 20 minutes. Add peas to rice. Cover and simmer until rice is tender, about 5 minutes. Season with salt and pepper. Sprinkle with nuts and raisins. KJJ: Adapted from a Bon Apetit recipe... there was virtually no need to include heavy whipping cream, which made this nice meal richer and heavier than it ever needed to be. This is the type of dish I have made from my own spontaneous recipes for years, but with more spices (again, more, more, more...) and never with cream. I chose to toast the nuts (almost burning them- stupid me, stupid, stupid, stupid...). One thing I did learn, and will repeat next time I make a similar dish, is to put the peas in at the last minute- avoiding the overcooked and pale wrinkled pea phenomena. Our movie selection was NO BLADE OF GRASS and some other super sleazy cinema sewer that JRW can tell you about. JRW: It's funny how the fabric of existance is tied together. I found this book of vintage exploitaton movie posters at the library the other night, and came across this totally wicked poster while doing a quick glance through. The very next day, we had to get some vids to keep me occupied as I recuperated on the couch (y'know, MANO DE LA MUERTE and such) and KJJ was happy to notice this post-apocalyptic bummer in the new arrivals. And it really is a bummer. The world is falling apart, a nuke is detonated, and a grass/grain-killing virus quickly spreads through Asia and Africa, causing mass starvation. We see newsreel footage of starving children juxtaposed against images of juicy hams being sliced in a British pub, as an uppercrust calmy details the plan of getting out of the city, which he smartly predicts is going to probably start panicking soon. It does. Some news gets out that the Chinese government carpetbombed some of it's over-population, and that the British government is planning the same, which causes this total storm of panic, total mob style-overturning cars and attacking the bobbies. Ruffians. Our uppercrust starts to realize the gravity at hand (after a mob-scene reminiscent of 28 DAYS LATER), and scoops up some guns and a young couple, who are like, total bad vibes. The dude is a loose cannon, and his girlfriend has the hots for our uppercrust hero. The dude is also quick with a gun, and our uppercrust takes him as his lieutenant (oh yeah, he was in the army in some war), betraying this other dude who (besides dating uppercrust's 16 year-old daughter, who really wants to be deflowered) helped hatch this escape plan to begin with. This sets the pattern for the rest of the movie: BETRAYAL. Friends, lovers, brothers, strangers are killed,if they are in the way, as Uppercrust and his band of beleagured followers try to make their way out of the mess and into something that resembles civilization. The Brits really mastered the end-of-the-world scare film. Like THREADS, this completely harshed my vicodin-induced mellow, by ending on a realistically hopeless note. Man, the end of the world is gonna suck. BIG TIME. PS-That awesome looking bike gang in that poster, appears for like 2 minutes, and although they look bad-ass, they get totally chumped, BASEBALL FURIES style. Why are the cool looking gangs always so lame?

CHOPRA CARROT SOUPRA

Curried Carrot Soup; Salad with Grapes, Blue Cheese and Walnuts; Wholegrain Toasts curried carrot soup: 1/4 cup oil 6 medium carrots 1/2 yellow onion 1 tsp vegetable broth 1 tsp salt 1 tsp cinnamon 1/2 tsp turmeric 1 tsp coriander 1/4 tsp cayenne 1/2 tsp ground ginger //heat oil, saute onions and chopped carrots for 5 min. //cover with 4 cups water, boil, simmer for 20 min. //add spices, process in a blender. //simmer for 10 min and serve warm. KJJ: This recipe was adapted (ever so slightly) from a recipe in A Simple Celebration- which is heavily Deepak Chopra related. The soup was simple, and tasty (really, not too hard to go wrong), but it really could have been better. Every recipe I make out of that book seems to take awesome ingredients and make them only so-so. I wanted something thick with a beautiful carrot and curry flavour. This seemed very mild and rather watery. It could have used a lot more punch. I am trying to appreciate more delicate flavours because of JRWs naturally elegant tastes (he whispers, while I shout)... but my suggestion to you readers is to pick up Anna Thomas' A Vegetarian Epicure Volume II and peruse through her bitchin' recipes. They just seem to have a lot more heart and soul. The recipes in A Simple Celebration seem always to require many expensive (for an apartment hobo) ingredients and always fall sort of flat. I've even tried infusing the dishes with LOVE, as they suggest. JRW: I also wished for it to be a tad thicker, slightly heartier-but probably because I'm American and used to really heavy meals. It wasn't bad, not at all, though. A little bit ( this is not meant as an insult) like something you'd have at a vegetarian cafe (like Mother's, for all of you in the 512). I know I talk smack about Mother's, but I'm not talking smack about the soup. Or KJJ's culinary creations. KJJ:The salad, my concoction, was salad greens and spinach with grapes, crumbled blue cheese, walnuts, and the ever trusty mustard-honey- olive oil-lemon juice-vinegar-salt-and-pepper dressing combo. JRW: I don't think I've ever met anyone who can make a better salad (I like to think I influenced her though with my signature spinach, asian pear and camembert mix, bka 'The Bennett"). There's really nothing more refreshing than a fork-full of good baby spinach, mixed with the slightly-salty and mildy pungent bleu, the nutty underline of walnut, the sweet flesh of red grape being the exclamation point, all awash in a wonderful vinaigrette. Now, about that cheese...the Rosenberg is good. It doesn't try to be too much, it's not overly sophisticated, it's not snobby. It's just a good cheese. Slightly pungent, wth just the right amount of that tang that makes a stinky blue cheese thrilling. You know you're eating mold, but you know you're not in fear of some weird, fungus-induced, hallucination hell-ride, Brothers Grimm style. And it's not very expensive, making it perfect for food hobos like us. KJJ: Tea and dessert (French lemon tarts) is never bad! PS There is a freakin' awesome pirate radio station frequency infiltrating Austin Texas that I can only receive in my car and it is just about the goddamn best thing ever to happen. JRW: Yes. They play 7 seconds at a slowed-down pitch while singing along, then follow it up with Richard Hell and a medley of grindcore. Take that KVRX.

APARTMENT FOOD PHOBOS

Kim Phung, Austin Texas, Pho #23: Mixed Vegetables and Pho #22: Fried Tofu KJJ: I would like to try to explore some other good Pho places around Austin. While I love the Kim Phungster, I have to admit the broth seems very thin compared to the one and only ALMIGHTY Pho Restaurant (in my opinion), which is Saigon Y2K in Calgary, Alberta. The first time I tried Saigon Y2K it was like a re-birth. The broth is a deeper orange-brown (more awesome oily power) with visible ground garlic and spices and, I really hate to say it, obvious cow origins. While I love this fresh and tasty Pho, if anyone has tips on a bitchen flavourful, hot as s***t Pho place in Austin, please post a comment and let me know! Calgary seemed to have a real concentration of Pho places in the Asian communities... the standard being at least 1 out of 5 would give you food poisoning and 1 out of 3 would send you to the bathroom within a couple hours of eating there. But... see, I weirdly consider that an indicator of some f**kin awesome Pho! It better clear your plumbing or it aint workin, bud. PS. The fried tofu Pho that JRW always orders is a new phenomenon to me. Damn I love regional tweaks on cuisines-- its almost like the same language but a different dialect. A different delicious dialect... JRW: PHO REAL? Yes,it does seem the Phung has fallen from it's grace. There was a time, in the decade they called "the 90's", when you'd go into Kim Phung and it would be packed to the rafters, a time given testament by the various 'best of austin' banners hanging on the lonely walls of the once great noodle house. Now, the only occupants are some scattered fish and a reclining buddha with cigarette butts on it's lap. Still, it's not SO bad. We're liking Cuong Ly aka Mekong River, downtown, more though. The pho there is cheaper, too, and with better broth.

COLD WAR MACARONI & CHEESE

RONALD REAGAN SPINACH SALAD; ARMS FOR HOSTAGES MACARONI & CHEESE KJJ: Post New Years celebration noodley doodlies and cheese with a slammin' Black Monday spinach salad. Talk about an arms-race in Reikjavik summit! Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the UnItEd StAtEs!!! JRW: It's true. Our country is watched over and run by...an orange, milky, cheesy noodle.

NEW YEARS EVE 2005 TURNS TO 2006

KJJ: My first American New Years celebration-- Texas style. All food prepared by one BBQ maniac who spent something like 28 hours awake making everything and smoking the meat. Texas BBQ is a new experience for me. The neighbourhoods are always smokey on the weekends with the smell of BBQ. The table setting for twenty: JRW: Allow me to tell you, there had been discussion about this meal for a week or more leading up to it-a real Hollywood hype. And it lived up to it, for certain. KJJ: Appetizers included home-made spinach dip with the exciting inclusion of water chestnuts, and sun-dried tomatoes and mozzarella cheese. KJJ: The smoker outside in the yard containing brisket, ribs, filet mignon, and a whole salmon. JRW: The chef told us he had started the coals at 8 am, bringing the cooking time on that brisket to about 12 hours. KJJ: The tableau, including baked beans: KJJ: A full plate. The entire menu consisted of the following: -Salad w/ home-made ranch dressing -Bread -Toasted buns -Green beans -Baked beans -Home-made potato salad -Brisket -Ribs -Salmon -Filet mignon -Banana and brandy flambe with ice-cream (not pictured) And of course, wine, liquor, mimosas and champagne. KJJ: Here lies the only picture of us-- the Apartment Food Hobos-- that we will ever publish. JRW: The Hand (or MANO DE LA MUERTE as it will be known for the next month or so, barring any complications) prevented me from eating fast enough to have as much as I really wanted, and from drinking any of that wine which looked to be really good. KJJ: Dance it up!